Sumer + another m.

This summer has been a season of learning. I had to learn who I was all over again. The past few months, I managed to let that escape me. I don't believe that I have ever been so low in my lifetime. I really don't know how to explain how I was feeling, & I doubt anyone will read my blog anyways, but by the slim chance they do? Maybe the person will read my words, swish them around in their mouth, and swallow the thought of how I was feeling and they'll realize that they felt that way once as well. I'll feel less alone in the World. And, if no one reads this, I will have sorted out my emotions on my own and just gotten them out of my mind. Since I would say since Winter of 2009-2010, I lost interest in everything and anything around me. I didn't overly think of anything; My mind was an empty notepad. The only time I did think was when I was thinking, "Something isn't right here." I would quickly erase that thought. Then, rewrite it. Erase. Rewrite. I didn't feel worthy of anyone's presence, or time. I didn't feel worthy of talking to when I had nothing to say, which was often. I lost someone permanently in my life, someone I held dear. I lost another not so permanently in my life, someone I held more dear than most people I've known in my life. I think that's when my mind truely awakened. When my notepad started gaining words upon it's surface. I wrote in pen the mistakes I made and the wrong things I said. I can't take them back, I can't erase them. I drew lines through the words I had already written, trying to start over. Every thing I said was coming out of my mouth wrong. This isn't me saying I was completely wrong, but I sure as hell wasn't completely right. I needed to escape CDA, I needed to clear my mind. So, I apologized for my wrongs & I left for Seattle/California. Thank God I did so. This is the first time I have been near fully myself in hell, I don't know how long. I've remembered how much my family truely does mean to me. I realized that people you don't expect to, can turn into someone you never expected them to be. I'm thrilled to learn this now though, than to invest more time - love - trust into this person just to have it thrown back into my face. Such a waste. I have learned that I am not worthless. I have learned that I don't want a relationship & I stuck with this. Now that I have finally gotten used to being alone, I love the feeling. I have hurt myself too much to get used to being alone, to just give it up. Honestly, I don't think I can be in a relationship right now. I can't imagine trusting someone with my heart, I can't imagine letting go and allowing myself to feel love. I would ruin it subconsciously. I have learned that "No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission." No one has that permission. Before, nearly everyone did. I learned that I don't need that many friends, I just need the handful of true friends I have, that've stuck around. I learned that I am not my body; I am my soul. I learned how to make home-made macaroni and cheese. I learned not to be too upset when things don't go as planned. I learned to let go but, still feel. I feel alive again. This has been the best summer of my life so far. I hope everyone else is having a nice summer as well.

Time is ticking.

As you're driving on a two way street, you're going one way while the other cars are going in the opposite direction. They blur past you in the corner of your eye quickly, almost as if they weren't there at all. You witness another person's moments of life happening; People you have never even seen before. This happens not just in cars, though. It happens when you see someone anywhere. I saw a woman the other day grocery shopping & she just smiled at me for no reason at all, there was a child in Shari's yesterday who I exchanged little faces with during our meals, there's those couples you see holding hands and just looking at eachother in wonder and awe. You're a part of someone's life the second you look at eachother, even if it's not for more than three minutes. It makes me angry since there is such a lack of respect for people in our surroundings anymore. People bump into eachother on the street and just keep walking, we curse and scream at people we only know by what they've done in High School, we hurt people or show them not one ounce of respect fpr the fact that we don't know the person. Respect is something that should be given upon first seeing a person. Atleast give people respect as someone just like you who has feelings, thoughts, fears, memories, bad habits- A human being. If they have proven to you over time that they don't deserve your time and respect then that's different. Then they have lost their priveledge to have respect from one more person in this World. But, why do we waste so much time and effort to be rude to a person when it won't ever matter. The negativity won't do anything but hurt another being, which will bring negativity to yourself in the ways of Karma. Whether it be guilt or you being treated negatively by someone else. It will come back to you. Why waste so much of our valuable time going out of our way to make someone feel pain, when we're all going to die? Every single person is going to die. You're going to be a part of many many people's lives for thirty seconds. What are you going to do with that thirty seconds?

I care again.

It's the moment when I was staring up at the sky as the rain fell with Temper Trap flooding my ears at one of my favourite places in the World -The Gorge-, that I realized I should be happy again. Sasquatch 2010 was the funnest experience I've had in the longest time. It opened my eyes to alot of things. Thank God.
I needed a wake up call.
I'm done being a teenage zombie.

Ralph.

Hi, my name is disgusted with myself right now.
How may I help you?

Beach Baby.

I love early mornings.
I love hearing the cars drive by on the Freeway on their way to work.
I love hearing the birds chirp.
I love the smell of coffee brewing.
I love my silk robe and walking around the house in it.
I love how this is the one and only time my house is quiet.
I love the quiet.
I love when my dog snores.
I love the hardwood floor underneath me.
I love how my ass of a cat let me hold her.
I love honey nut cheerios.
I love figuring out what I want.
I love how clear I think in the morning.
I love the song Beach Baby by Bon Iver in the morning.
I love just laying here.
I love showering before everyone else is up.
I love opening my curtains to let the sun in.
I love good morning hugs.
& most of all, I love when I'm actually awake early in the morning.
I hate sleeping.

BR34TH3.

We've all got something to learn.
Some learn it faster than other's.
Doesn't make the others less smart;
Just going at their own pace.

Three weeks til summer.
I can do this.

I wanna fall so in love that I can't breathe.

That's what you get- Paramore. The music video to that is the feel I want to put into some of my movies as I get older. The lighting/setting/angles. Check it out.

Dear Mama;

You are honestly the most beautiful person in this World I have ever come to know and love. To think that only fifteen n' a half years ago, I was growing inside of you. I was becoming who I am now. My genetic code was already made; I was made to have freckles like you, blue eyes like you, your sarcasm. The person I am now was semi set in stone. You just had to wait for me to come out and show you who I am. You raised me the best way imaginable, and taught me how to love. You still write notes on my napkins for lunch, you tell me I'm special when I feel like I'm the farthest from it. I don't understand how you managed to raise me so well. But, like you've said, I won't understand how much a parent loves their child until I'm a parent myself. I know I can say it's as much as a child loves their parent, though. You're the type of mom who does everything humanly possible to keep her children safe and happy. That's why I refer to you as my Mama Bear. You protect four children, work, you're an amazing wife, you clean after the younger three when they leave their dishes out. You remind us everyday that you love us more than the World could ever comprehend. Hell, you're so great of a mom that you're a second mom to half of my friends. Everybody tells me how great of a mom I have, and they couldn't be more right. I wouldn't trade you for a Klondike Bar, or anything else. I can't imagine my life without you, because it's not possible. I don't tell you enough how much I love you and how thankful I am for you. Really, mom. You're beautiful, even without your makeup, and your hair pulled back into a ponytail. That's when I think you look prettiest. When I look over at you in the car, that's what I'm thinking. I'm sorry I don't tell you how much I appreciate you as much as I think it. Thank you for dancing in the car; Even if I hide my face from everyone in the surrounding cars. Thank you for being so protective over me when I want to go to stupid parties; Even if I get upset at first. Thank you for listening to me talk about my future plans; Even when it hurts to think I'm moving out after another two years. Thank you for playing RockBand; Even if I say that you're a nerd for it. Thank you for giving me the best advice anyone could ever give me on every hurdle that life throws at me. Thank you for letting me cry into your shoulder so many times, and for holding my hand when I'm at my lowest. I wish I could explain to you in words how much you mean to me and how big of an impact you have made on my life, but there are no words suitable enough. All I can do is show to you throughout the rest of my life with actions how much I love you. & it probably still won't be enough. You're my best friend, Lorrie Anne. Going on sixteen years. <3

Constellations.

Jack Johnson + A smiling friend + smiles in general.
I'm just happy.

Mm, I know what I want. & I want it bad.
It's a good thing Mama taught me to never quit on what I want.

Straight up G.

People call us renegades because we like living crazy.
I love my friends.

Garret:
It comes natural.
Almost casual, Triple G MC is known at the level of national.
Keilly:
Now that was cute, without any error.
Do you practice that infront of the mirror?
Garret:
Mirror? Ha, hardly my dear.
My rhyming excellence is something to fear.
Keilly:
Ha, FEAR. That words not in my vocab, you better watch yourself, or else you'll get stabbed.
Garret:
You think you're a tough kid, you think you're all hot? Well step up to me, and you'll surely get shot.
Keilly:
Look, I know we're thuggin' it out. But, I don't wanna fight. Can we just hug it out?
[I meant thuggin' about.]
Garret:
Look at you, rhyming the same words. You may be cute, but your rhymes are absurd.
Oh, baha.
Keilly:
HAHA, sucker what. You need to listen more, 'cause I corrected myself. You better be nice to the World, and put your rapping career on the shelf.
Garret:
Put it on the shelf? HA! You must be insane. I ain't plannin' on stoppin', i'ma do this forevuh mayne evuh mayne evuh mayne.. ;D
Keilly:
I can't lie, that was tight. I'ma let you win for tonight. But, only 'cause I love you, oh you know it's true. Triple G MC is the shit, you deserve a round of applause. I'm pretty hungry now, for some damn Apple Sauce.
;D

!@#$%^

As you're talking, I'm not focusing on your words.
Only on what you must be thinking the whole time you're saying them.

You're paper thin

& it's visible.

I want a College of the Arts where I can work on Cinematography. I want to stop trusting people. I want to be sixteen already. I want my tattoo. I want to be able to be spontaneous without getting in trouble because of my age. I want the World to be upside down. I want the red sheets only because of this one dream I keep having. I want rain boots. I want to move somewhere where I can be as strange as I like because there's other weird people surrounding me, so it's not actually strange at all. I'll get the chance.

I need to save up for a video camera. I need to get the images out of my head somehow. I'm not the best at drawing them, unfortunately.

What made my day; Rolling around on the ground with a two year old, Ashtin. Calling my uncle just to have him explain to my nine year old sister what a Hypochondriac is. Making up a new insult with my dad, "You're a shit puddle." A girl in my Music Appreciation class dancing and singing 'Defying Gravity' rather obnoxiously. My fake leather pants and fake leather jacket.

I hope you all had a wonderful day.

Rock Solid.

I like how everything is always changing. I never have a routine.
I've been inspired lately. I haven't felt that way in months.

Black.

Sometimes I truely just hate people in general, haha.
I need to paint my nails sometime in the next 30820841039 years.
(:

Where have you been?

I just watched The Lovely Bones with my mama bear.
It really got me thinking again on the topic of life & death. I haven't given the topic too much thought recently. I was thinking of how one place can hold a moment. For some, the moment will be forgotten. For other's, the moment is still alive, no matter how long ago it may have been. I think about how the mother in the movie wouldn't go in Susie's room, because her essence was still lingering even though she was gone. How long does a person's essence stay around even after they are gone. I know as I'm playing Ms. Hedahl's piano, she comes to mind most of the time. I know that sometimes I can still picture her running across the room in her socks n' sandals, making all of us play "Winds of Change." We all have literally stepped where she has stepped, my fingers have stroked across the keys on the piano that her's had for years and years. It's just a connection I find comforting, I suppose. That once, somebody who is gone now, had been where I had been. Breathing, living, just as I am. With no idea that their life would end in short time. Clueless & unknowing. Just as I am. I have no idea when my time will be when it may be. It may be tomorrow, it may be in three weeks, it may be when I'm 67 years old. I do know however, that I don't find death scary. I do not fear for what comes after. I only wonder.

Lacie Hedahl, You still inspire me everyday. I miss you.

Grow

I'm done being unhappy.
I've done what I feel I can do.
I'm done wasting time being so upset.
"Keilly, can I have a cookie?"
"Did you eat breakfast?"
"Yes..."
"What'd you have?"
"Life."
"So, you went outside, took a bite out of a twig, took a deep breath of air and said, 'Ah. Life is tastey!'"
"Then, you ate a bug."
I live for conversations like these with my brothers and sisters.
They mean more than they will ever imagine to me. I love watching them grow.

Oh, and Life cereal rocks my socks.

G'night.

Can't do anything right.
But, not necessarily doing anything wrong.

Moonlight Sonata

I love high school, I love the immaturity in people, I love the drama.
I'm so above it all, seriously.
All it is, is a waste of everyone's time.
The last two... Not high school. Although, I'm sure I could study for a few months, and just get my GED. It'd be a hell of alot easier.
Options.
Options.
Options.

I want a bonfire, and some XXX Vitamin Water. It all sounds so comforting.
Instead, I'm going to get ready for school, and head on over to take my music appreciation test.
Hey Baroque musical era? Yeah, Classical kicks your bum in my opinion.
Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven is beautiful. <3

Wise Words;

Wake up, This is your life.
Everyday is a brand new beginning.

"Kylie from Connecticut"

Ben Folds has officially made it to the Keilly's favourite Top Ten music list.
Welcome Ben, we have name tags, cookies, and punch over on the table.
Make yourself at home.

Root Canal / Paint on my hands / Piano.
Well, the last two made me smile.
I'll take what I can get.

Coldplay;

"Did I drive you away?
I know what you'll say.
You'll say, "Oh, sing one we know."
But I promise you this, I'll always look out for you.
That's what I'll do.
And sing "oh." I'll sing "oh."
My heart is yours.
It's you that I hold on to.
That's what I'll do.
But I know I was wrong, And I won't let you down.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will.
But I'll sing "oh." I cry "oh."
Yeah I saw sparks, Yeah I saw sparks,
And I saw sparks, Yeah I saw sparks, singing out.
La, la, la, la, oh.
La, la, la, la, oh.
La, la, la, la, oh.
La, la, la, la, oh."

I love the moss stains on the knees of my jeans, I love how my dad & step mom fell asleep holding hands earlier, I love rolling around on the floor with the dog, I love my dollar moccasins that are honestly, kind of ugly.
I found my favourite place in the World today. I felt more free than I have ever felt up in that tree. I felt like I was on top of the World, and that even if I fell, it wouldn't be so bad. I could sit in that tree for hours and just draw, and listen to the ocean. I felt truely happy. It's moments like that, that remind me how beautiful life is. I had kind of forgotten recently. It's glad to remember, again.

Kiwi Kool-Aid. I recommend trying it.

Spring Break;

Coupeville, Washington; I am proud to call you my new home.

This Spring Break has been the best one yet. I love my family.

Beautiful,

Everything is complicated, but everything is at the same time simple.




Good God, we're all mad.

.

I hate leaving, because whenever I come back, things are different.

Hi, I'm back.

I'll lose my head from time to time.
Send out a search, part of me is missing.
I'll lose my sanity for a day or two,
then be back better than new.

I'm back, I'm fresh. I'm better than new. I feel awakened.
I feel motivated. I'm not letting go of this feeling.

Moment,

Peace of mind; I'm experiencing this right now.
I'm thinking clearer than I ever have.
Goodnight.

Desire.

I know what I want;
Right now I want a bowl of Honey nut cheerios.

In ten years, want to know what I'll want?
I'll want someone sitting next to me at one in the morning sharing a bowl of cereal with me. Someone to share a cup of Chai tea with in the morning, someone to maybe watch the sun rise with, someone to make me smile, and someone that even when we're angry with eachother, I can laugh about it silently to myself because of how pointless the fight was. That's what I want.

Screw high school relationships.
Best friends keep eachother from dating in high school 'cause we know it's most likely a waste of time.

I can feel a hot one

"taking me down, for a moment I could feel the force. Veiny to the point of tears, and you were holding on to make a point. What's the point?"

I'm hot for once. I'm usually freezing and bundling myself up in blankets, and sweatshirts galore. Except socks. I don't enjoy socks. I've come to the conclusion I'm running a fever. Which means my temperate is below normal, because whenever I'm freezing, I'm 101 degrees. When I'm hot, I'm running 90 degrees. I work sdrawkcab, I reckon. My brother told me that once, too. haha, I miss Nicholas. & Connor. The two little brothers I hardly get to see. I mainly miss Connor, however. Not because he's related to me in blood, but for the reason that I haven't seen him in a really long time. I saw Nick just a few months ago. I'm upset that I don't get to see them grow.
But, God almighty, I'm blessed. I have two beautiful little sisters, three handsome little brothers, two mothers, two fathers, and the three best friends I could ever possibly ask for. & besides that, I have some extraordinary people for friends who I wouldn't trade for anything. I have an amazing family, and am surrounded by amazing people. I really don't deserve what I have. I'm alive, I've got a decent outlook on life in my opinion atleast, I've got ^, I think I'm doing just fine.

"I want to hear your voice, it sounded fine. My voice is sounding fine."

Have you ever had a moment where you just wonder, "Oh my God, why am I here? What am I doing here right now, right in this place. How did I get here?" It's not always bad, it's not always good. Sometimes it's just a moment where you realize what a miracle it is that you're even alive. A mystery. It kind of scares me a little. To wonder what your purpose is, to wonder who you are, even though you're sure you know who you are. I generally pride myself in knowing the person I am, but there are times where I'm driving down the road and I lose my composure. I lose my sense of reason, I suppose. I start to question everything.

"So I prayed for what I thought were angels, ended up being ambulances. And the lord showed me dreams of my daughter, she was crying inside your stomach. & I felt love, again."

I just want to cry right now. I'm not sad. I'm not hurt. I'm not happy. I just need to cry.

Hmph.

Ultra sound tomorrow. Really not looking forward to it.

I think I want to be a film maker.

New goal,

Guitar, piano, cello, voice. The four instruments I intend on mastering.

Did you know;

Clair de lune is my favourite song and has been since I was a kid?
I bet you didn't.
That's the only song that has stuck through with me along the years.
As has the colour blue, nature, coffee, singing, big trucks/dogs, art, stars, the love for my family, and the smell of campfires. It's funny to see what has still remained a favourite in my life since I was young. Well, younger. I'm sure there's others, but those have really stuck and stood out. For my birthday, I want a telescope.

I'm going to learn Clair de lune on the piano, after I learn my dad's song for his birthday.
Goodnight, everyone.

Jussayin'

Chai tea would be nice right about now.

"I want to break

all the madness, but it's all I have."

Rose Garden- Nick Jonas & the Administration.
The music project in general is very nice. Kind of reminds me of John Mayer, 'cept younger.
There's your music recommendation for the day.

I hate heart monitors. Case closed.

Workin' on a new song on the guitar. mmm.

Venting.

Euphoria.
Contentment.
I haven't felt both of those in the longest time. I vented to my dear friend, today. I vented to a "higher" friend last night. I prayed for, I think, fifteen minutes. This is abnormal for me, but I really enjoyed it. I haven't prayed in a really long time.

"Forgive my hesitation, oh but, I'm learning to trust in you."
I think I'm going to do a cover of this song, soon.

I love my friends who can tell something is wrong by just noticing my crooked smile. They can tell so quickly I'm having an off day & do by whatever means possible to try and help. A hug does the trick, or even just reading my two page note complaining about certain situations, people, etc. You guys know who you are and thank you.

Sometimes, I sincerely consider, doing half of my classes online + more; Psychology, Anthropology, Children development, etc. Things high school doesn't offer, generally. I'd still come to school for my Art classes, Choir, A.P. World History, lunch. But, I am SO sick of getting crap for not coming to school. If I was actually skipping school, or "faking sick", I'd be just fine with getting crap. I'd deserve it. If I were skipping school, I'd sure as hell be doing something fun. I wouldn't be laying in bed, sleeping, doing homework, etc. But, that's the "fun" things I do when I stay home sick. I also understand that it's stupid when I don't come to school because, I have a runny nose. But, it's never something so simple as a runny nose. If I stay home with a runny nose, it's because I also have a fever, and/or can barely speak. I come to school when the school and my parents allow me. But, I refuse to come to school throwing up, with a fever, when my immune system is dead. I refuse to come to school sick, and torturing myself for weeks, when the average cold [which rocks my shit 10X more than it would normal people], could have been gone within two days if I had stayed home and rested like my doctors tell me to do. This 17 days of missing school is NOTHING compared to the nearly three months I missed last year. So, I'd truely appreciate if people would stop harassing me with bitchy and snitty remarks of how I came to school that day, because I had missed 2 days of school a week before due to; bloodwork, a cold, and going to the hospital to be hooked up to a heart monitor. If I were faking sick, I wouldn't text you from home saying, "Hey dude, I'm really sorry I won't be there today. I'm feeling like hell, and throwing up." I'd text you and tell you, "SUCKER, I don't have to go to school today. Suck on that! I'm going to Jamba Juice!"
I enjoy school, very much. I love my friends. Sure, I hate one of my classes. But, I enjoy school overall. Getting shitty remarks for the higher percent of days that I'm actually there, about one day I missed the week before. It'll eventually make me not want to come to school at all. I refuse to let you take away something I enjoy because, you don't "believe someone can get sick so often", or you just feel funny. It's funny once or twice, but when I hear it so much, and I get an eye roll while I'm showing you the wires I'm hooked up to so the hospital can monitor my heart? It's ridiculous, and I'm completely done with it. My real friends love me when I'm at school, or when I'm not. They aren't rude to me, and they have a nice hug for me to come back to, instead of drama. I just had to throw all of this out there, to show how completely, genuinely serious I am about putting a stop to this. If you don't think I'm sick so often, I'd gladly bring you hospital bills, doctor bills, my used tissues, or a Ziploc bag full of spew. Lemme know if you'd enjoy that, eh?

Done venting. I cleared my system. I have a runny nose. Guess who's going to school tomorrow 'cause she doesn't have a fever. Ring a ding ding.

Open Mic tomorrow. We're first up, wish me luck.

Do they collide?

Content, I suppose. Right now, I'm just feeling very... here. I have multiple thoughts going on in my head at once; all speaking at once. "Need to start checking up online college courses/need to paint a few paintings/need to start putting money towards my China trip fund, because I really want to go/need to finish my heart monitoring." The human heart is a very important organ. I realized this yesterday. I mean I've always known that it was important, but it just recently hit me how necessary it was to live. How you cannot live heartless. We are not Tin Men, unfortunately. I also recently realized how screwed you are if your heart just gives out. Just stops ticking. It's interesting how one can take something, even their heart and the rest of their body, for granted. I'm not scared, really. Just curious.

Thyroids can eat larva, by the way.

Passenger Seat- Death Cab for Cutie. Music recommendation for the day.
I just got done playing my guitar underneath the stars. It was nice.

Random thoughts;

"My membrane is melting."
I had a relatively nice day. Music Appreciation was great. Harlie & I appreciated some Queen by dancing in the corner to it like spazzes. That girl can DANCE, hahaha.


Nerd goggles/Car surfing/Dutch Bro's/Good talks with my best friend/Nose hoop/Singing to my parents/Sitting at the table & eating with my family/People who shake hands upon meeting/Pick-up lines/My other best friend coming in 5 days/sudden realizations/my guy friends humping my car & making inappropriate noises while I'm hiding my face in the Driver's seat/The Humane Society.
I think I may start walking dogs every Wednesday at the Humane Society.
I'm trying to figure out what I want to do career wise. I'm considering film maker, or screen writer. I want to minor in Psychology. & go to the Art Institute in Seattle after I get my four year degree from NIC. I start dual enrollment upcoming Junior year, I hope. I also want to do; Family n' Wedding photography, Art, and music on the side. I want to go on an Archeological dig one day, in Turkey.
China trip. Spring Break of 2011. I need to get a job and start saving up if I ever hope to go.
I need to find my lighter. My candles are feeling neglected.
I need to learn to smile while I sing.
I'm bringing Brenna her birthday painting tomorrow.

Abs in the Pantry at the Warehouse- Minus the Bear = current favourite song.

Happy.

I just learned Mr. Brightside on the piano.
I fell in love with this song all over again.

I have music appreciation class tomorrow. I'm psyched.
That is all.
Bon soir.

Stay true to you.

I'm not "different" than everyone else. In some sense, we're all the same. If you know about the Evolution Tree, you'll get this. We're all of a common ancestor, and we're all human. We all have a heartbeat, we all live. We all have ideas and thoughts. These ideas and thoughts are most likely not a far fetched idea that only you have thought of. Someone has thought of this, already. For lack of motivation, or any other reasons, some ideas may have been kept hidden and unknown, but that doesn't mean you're the only person to have thought it. We all have common traits with others, and are like other people. We will have the similar, if not the same; shirt, style, haircut, car. Material things, of course. On the other hand, we will have passions, ideas, thoughts, wishes, dreams. Others may have these same functions as well. We all are different in a sense that; A combination of certain pet peeves, favourite movies, ideas for a future, etc. There may be combinations that not many people have. Curley Sue loves french fries. So do you. Curley Sue hates war. So do you. Curley Sue is allergic to dogs. You're allergic to cats. The two have similar characteristics, but that doesn't make you the same. We're all different and original, we're all the same. Your DNA has been formed in a way that will never be formed again. But, we are all human, and have the same mind. We will have similar ideas, and loves. We're just as different as we are the same in this World. Quit trying to prove to everyone you are different, 'cause frankly no one gives damn. No one gives a damn about your clothes, so don't dress to impress. No one cares if you have every Lil' Wayne poster on your wall. No one cares if you start a trend. Be yourself, be you. People will appreciate that far more, than your image of different. If you're being yourself, and you're called different? T-rrific. That person finds something about your true personality refreshing. But, don't try and convince everyone that you are something you are not. For then, you are the same as alot of other people. When you're yourself, you're more different than you will ever be while ATTEMPTING to be something you're not. Stay true to you.

Girl, where's your self control?

in my pocket.

Why do so many dwell on the past. I can't say that I've personally never done it, but I've kind of learned how to move on. How to do alot of things, actually. Self control. It's a simple method, but apparently so hard to grasp. Just waking up one day and saying, "You know what, I will not let this drag me down. This doesn't help anyone or anything." & do so. Self control is beautiful; Although, letting go is nice as well.
Spend it where it counts.
Don't let your past drag you down. I've seen this happen too many times.
Appreciate the present, and the now.
You can't change what's been done, but you can change what hasn't happened yet.
You can change your future and your present, by accepting there's no changing your past.
Changing your mood, your self being, by letting go.
I recommend it; What's done is done, all you can do is learn from it. That's all anyone can do these days. Learn. It's our main reason for living.

I want to feng shui. I want to quit sneezing and sniffling. I want to go back to school. I want to sculpt. I want to do Yoga. A wise woman once told me to sleep however, that wise woman only wants me to do so, for the possibility of going to school tomorrow.
/Sorry, Kell. My mother raised an owl.

Goodnight all.<3

?

In History class, and other random conversations, the question has been coming up. "Why are we here? As a human race, what is our purpose? And, does every single person have their own reason for being on this planet?"
-I can personally give you my opinion, and you may take from it what you will.

I believe everyone here has atleast one purpose; To learn as much as we possibly can while we are priveledged to be on this Earth. & perhaps, some people have extra purposes on this planet. The thing they would like to leave behind once they're gone. They thing they want to mainly accomplish before their departure. I just want to learn as much as I can, create something beautiful from my hands/produce something beautiful and unique from my own body, and leave positive marks on the people I loved, befriended, hardly knew. Everyone. And to those select few, hopefully, I can make the slightest positive change on their life. I can only hope I continue on working on my list. I'm not afraid of dying because, I've accomplished so much and learned so many things in the short time period I've been here. I've learned enough for a few lifetimes, in not even 1/4 of one. I'll continue with learning because I don't know everything, nor will I ever pretend to know everything. I'm still learning and I'll never ever stop, not until the day I drop. & even then, I doubt I'll be done. If there is an afterlife, I'll continue learning there, for that is why we're created. In my opinion atleast. We are created to learn, to love.

Tomorrow? Beach with Kelly, some accoustic guitar, french fries. I hope so.

Where are you immune system?

I can't stand being sick. I really can't. I have no immune system, and feel so weak whenever I do get sick. It always hits me mad hard. Takes a toll on me physically, and then it takes a toll on my grades at school. I'm still passing all of my classes, but I'm far more capable than what I'm doing. Really.

I'll be seeing you-

I bet you'd never guess; I like music from Billie Idol's, "I'll be seeing you" to System of a Down. I bet you'd never guess that I really love fashion, but you can never go wrong with a plain white tee and some blue jeans. I have a thing for shoes, but if I could I'd be bare foot all the time. I generally see the best in everyone, but sometimes the "worst" thing about someone is what I love the most. For such a young age, I feel twenty years older than I already am, if not older. I think I've been hangin' around a few lifetimes, however. I'm nocturnal; Sorry mom, you've raised an owl. I love curly hair, but I straighten mine. My favourite moments are the simplest imaginable; Being pushed around in a wheelbarrow from my best friend, singing along with a guitar and just the atmosphere of people swaying along with the music, when people don't see how great they are, star gazing, light peeking through the window when I wake up, reoccuring dreams, not being afraid of death, red lipstick, sitting in a tree, & holding hands.

Repeat

I'm in a sort of haze lately.
-losing track of time.
-days are going by too fast, honestly.

I'm still mainly happy, so it can't be anything awful.
Goodnight.

TTFN

It amazes me how much I learn within a day.
Today I learned that I deserve far more.
I also learned that a flashing red light means to stop, and then go.

I have mixed feelings on my "age." I constantly feel older than I am, therefor I believe I can handle so much more. I act, speak, and think more intellectually than many of my time when it comes to the nitty gritty of it. I just recently realized how young fifteen actually is. Hell, twenty-three is young. I can't help but feel 5-10 years older than that, though. I cope with things beyond me, and understand more than most fifteen year old's heads can even contain. I love in the sense of it's who I am. I don't like it because I'm still in this little young body of mine.
Ah well.

I just ate some swedish fish candies.

I have the Red Hot Chili Peppers stuck in my head.
Thanks, Kell.

That is all for now.