Growing up.

"What I want, what I need, & what I deserve are completely different things."
Amen.

Gratitude.

I am a best friend.
I am a daughter.
I am the spitting image of my parents.
I am a teenager.
I am an old soul.
I am an inhabitant on our planet.



Chicago, you're beautiful.

Thank you, God, for every single person you have put in my life, for my father's eyes literally n' figuratively, for love, for pain, for every single thing. Thank you for my beautiful creators; my parents, and everyone else has embedded themselves into my core, for they have shaped who I am as well. Thank you for my new family members, for laughter, for beauty. If there is a God, I am eternally grateful. If not, I consider myself a very fortunate person with all coincedences.

Have you noticed not one of those objects were material?

Google translator:

La vie est belle, regardez autour de vous. Elle est aussi et l'obscurite. Elle vous accueille et vous avale. I allow myself to be swallowed, because the darkness doesn't have to be frightening. That's just how people interpret it. They're afraid of what they don't understand. Je vous comprends l'obscurite. It's an adventure. This is a changing moment. "Seeing the light", is now seeing the dark. Just let your eyes adjust.

Seattle;

"(: We're set. Let's get a shitty little apartment but in a good part of town, stay home & drink wine & watch Ghost Hunters every wednesday."
I've never been more excited for a plan. Seattle, watch out, in a few short years, Kelly & I are coming for you. I love my best friend.

dkfhjldhsjh;

I can't stand when I disappoint people. I need to learn not to take it so hard, though. I feel sick.

Accoustic will make you remember things you didn't want to.

I'm working on that uber long post of how I feel on a ton of things, that I said I was going to awhile back. I've been so occupied with that, that I feel I've been neglecting newer, shorter posts, my apologies dear friends.
mmmm. /Purple V-neck/Konstantine by Something Corporate/Sprite/Workin' Out/Drawing my own hand/Meditating/California for Thanksgiving/Liscence right after/Christmas in Chicago/Heavy Breaths/Being comfortable with your best friends/Fashion/Showering/Early Bird/YACHT/Body Modifications.
Thoughts have been thought, and I'm still thinking about these thoughts. They're keeping my mind busy and content right now.
"It's to Jimmie Eat World, and those nights in my car. When the first star you see, may not be a star. I'm not your star. Isn't that what you said, what you thought this song meant."
Oh, text message received.
It's only Tuesday, this feels odd. I feel like it should be Thursday.
\
"They'll never hurt you like I do, no no no."

Everything.

Life- I love it. Simple enough. It is one of the most beautiful things out there. Hell, it IS the most beautiful thing out there, because everything else that I find beautiful is an ingredient for life. Life is so complicated, and I don't mean the exact science of DNA or anything. I mean, looking around you, at the people surrounding you, the ground you walk on, the sounds you hear. Breathe it in. This is what you're part of. I see life upside down and sdrawkcab. I see it in a way most people neglect to. I'm always paying attention to how I act, only for how I know what I say and do affects that person. I don't have any want to impress you in any way. How I act, speak, dress; is my self expression. Your way of judging me without completely getting in my mind. It's a safe move to make. when you're in my mind, you won't know what to expect. Bloody hell if I even know what to expect in my own mind, hah. I find almost everything beautiful. Even pain, weaknesses, the "negatives". They're what bring me to the "positive" things. With good comes bad. There is nothing you can do it about it, so you might as well learn the wonder of acceptance. Take it all together, and find it beautiful. Be thankful for it.





Fear- everyone has it. I'm sick of the people who deny it. Almost as if it makes them any less of a person. There's a point of vulnerability, and whining. There's also a point of true strength/ accepting your fears and being cocky. Find your happy medium. I know I'm afraid of; losing a loved one, having seizures, not being in control of my own body, not making an impact on another person, putting gasoline in a car, dying without people knowing how I see our World. [That's mainly why I keep a blog.] Yet, I'm not afraid of dying alone without love, or smoking/drinking, or driving. It seems like the things most people don't seem to think to be afraid of, I am. More people are afraid how they look; Dress to Express, not Impress. Or how everyone sees them; I can honestly say I worry about that sometimes, too. But not in the sense of if people will like me, I worry that I'll come off as average or boring. The only people I care about's opinion is the people who have a hand on my heart. I have many friend's and people that I truely do care about, but the people who tug at my heart, I can't stand to disappoint them. It drives me to the point of the biggest pit in my stomach. It makes me want to throw up. And the worst fear of all in my opinion for people, is acceptance. So many people buy certain clothes or pierce something to be accepted, to fit in. I won't say I don't understand, 'cause I do. I went through this phase a few years back, buying Hollister sweatshirts, listening to pop music/rap when I'd rather be listening to accoustic/hard rock/oldies. I understand the point you get to where you just want to be liked, but will you let it drive you to the point of losing yourself and becoming a mindless drone? "Why would you try so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?" Live without fear; fear the right things. Live without regrets; Just take the oppurtunities you can and experience all around you that's healthy for your mental well being and your physical well being.





Religion- I label myself as a Buddhist-Christian to anyone who asks. I was raised as a christian, but I find myself loving many of the beliefs of Buddhism, and Daoism as well. I have my dislikes of christianity however. I suppose a moral I was raised by goes completely against the religion I was raised by. The whole "Jesus" dying for my sins part. I was always told I must take responsibility for my actions and I do. I accept them and move on. I can pay for my own sins. Besides that, however, I do believe in God. I do believe Jesus was a person. I also believe in giving up your ridiculous cravings in life though. If I give up my ridiculous material wants in life, I will further see the big picture of our World, and if there's a heaven/Nirvana, the material wants will be there if I want them. It's like, giving up your wants in your human life, then you'll be repaid with it in your immortal life. [If there is one.] I'm not sure how I feel on heaven. Part of me believes there is no heaven and you're just done once you die. You rot in the ground and people will forget your name. If you're lucky though, some people who you made an impact on will remember your name for the rest of their lifetime. The other part of me thinks there is a heaven, and there is our lost loved ones looking after us from time to time. I switch back and forth between the two. I can't make up my mind. My feeling 85% of the time on the heaven situation however is, there is a heaven like place, and I will be reborn again as something as else for the World. Call it Reincarnation, call it Soul Recycling. It's one in the same. I'll touch back on Reincarnation later. I highly doubt I'd go to hell for not thinking there was a heaven though, ya know? If God is the man they describe him to be, then he wouldn't be as judgemental to damn me to hell off my unknowingness. So, for now. I'll combine my two religious beliefs into one new religion of my own. I like God, I think everything happens for a reason, even if it takes awhile to see the reason. I believe what I believe. Please, don't thrust your religions on me. I'll explore your religion in time. I explore many and often apply many different morals from your's to my own.

Love- is a beautiful, complicated deal that you have to make with another person. It's not easily a deal made with yourself. In love, we don't have very much control over anything. It will make you crazy. & that is where love and "love" factor in. "Love", no. I don't want to hear of your middle school boyfriend of two weeks. Love is so real, so truthful, so terrifying to be honest. It's not a topic easily put into words. I've been in love once. Which is a realistic number. The feeling is... complicated. Your small glances at the person, turn into minutes and minutes of just watching them because, you're so amazed you wound up with this person. So suprised that you could have possibly got this person to call your own, and knowing that's what they think when they look at you too. It's when they do something average and it turns into your favorite mental image of them. It's seeing something and that something reminds you of them and all of a sudden, it's the most beautiful thing in the World. It's even after it's over, just wanting the very best of happiness for them and even if it's with other girls. It's wondering how they forget the past emotions so easily, when they play like a slideshow in your head sometimes. It's looking up at them through their lashes and just smiling 'cause you're speechless. Just in complete awe. It's hearing their heartbeat and syncing your's to their's. It's feeling emotionally tied to them just slightly more than any other human being, and you enjoy it way more than you should. It makes your heart pound hard remembering. It's wanting to wake up to those blue-green eyes every morning, with the sun peaking through the window. It's wanting to just lay with them and be close to them. It's seeing him run around his room all flustered trying to pack his stuff in two minutes, aha. It's seeing the stars and realizing that the two match up completely in meaning. It's not understanding why other people are so close-minded about love, and then, you're the one close-minded because, it ended and with a damn good reason. You two moved two fast and barely knew eachother. It's great love when the two can remain best friends after time, and trust eachother, though. Sometimes you'll wonder what could have been, other days you won't care. It's love for ya. It's a nice concept, just please go into it with an adult mind, and really think when you use the "L" word. In our time, the word is being raped anally. It's not special anymore. Love is not something to be treated lightly of. It's a huge deal.

I'll add more later. If there is a certain topic you'd like to discuss, comment this blog with the topic and I'll do my best to include it.

Anxiety Attack.

TickTickTick.
Scratching.
Leadpencilmeetspaper.
TickTickTick.
Coldhands.
Bathroomfloor.
Curlupinaball.
TickTickTick.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Heart beating itself out of my chest.
Why. Why can't you like the home I gave you.
Tilefloors.
Cold.
Cold.
Fast.
Fast.
In a sick kind of way, I enjoy you.

Muse.

I've been hearing alot lately that I'm inspiring.
And, I can't help but think, that I'm finally doing what I've been wanting to do all along.
Finally.

By the way, I'm starting to discover Lomography and I rather like it.<3
Short blog tonight.

Psyche. Myspace isn't very time consuming at the moment.
Academia- Sia.
I really like this song.
I like alot of things.
I like how my brother calls me KeiKei, I like how people feel comfortable talking to me about their issues, I like Apple Cider [cold], I like how the trees are changing colours, I like how my whole entire house is quiet right now, I like how I can smell Autumn from the open window, I like how my painting is turning out, I like the sound of my fingers tapping against the keyboard in a rhythm, I like how my hair keeps falling into my face, I like alot of things. Especially tonight. I'm very observant and appreciative. mmmmmm, I need to go splatter my hands accidentally while painting.

"Hey beautiful lady, how does it feel? To know that you got me head over my heels. I'm thinking that maybe I could be lost, do you wanna find me? and forget the cost. Just enjoy me. Enjoying what I see. I see you. Hey beautiful lady, are you for real? I'm hearing your heartbeat and watching as you steal mine."<3

<3

On a Wednesday night, meanwhile making cupcakes I was having a conversation with one of my best friends, & we were discussing how we'd grow up.
She thinks she's going to grow up, fucked up.
I highly disagree.
Is it sad I know how I'm going to end up?- atleast for the most part.
I could list it out for you right now.
K, I shouldn't say I KNOW how I'm going to end up, but I've got it narrowed down to how I'm most likely going to turn out.
I know I'm going to go backpacking all over this lovely planet. I know I'm going to college. I know I'm most likely going to end up living in Portland, or by the oregon coast somewhere. I know I'm going to write, and paint like there's no tomorrow. I know I'm going to probably be alone for awhile; I've got alot I want to do. I won't let myself be tied down. That's how I am. When I do have the ability to go and do those things, I will go and do them. There's no say in the matter. I won't settle for anything less than what I want. I was raised that way. ...Second batch of cupcakes in. Chocolate. mmmm. Some people I guess would say that it's sad that I have a big idea of how my life is going to go. I think that I'm just setting up my course, and letting my life run it. All the little details in between is my life. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." My dad's been telling me that for about five years now. So, I'm not deciding my life right now, I'm just keep ideas open for my future. I'm never going to settle for less. I'm going places. & I don't mean what other people usually mean by that. I don't mean I'm going to become famous, or everyone will know my name. I just mean that I'm going to accomplish what I can while I can. And, if I'm lucky, those who I loved will remember my name. That's all I could ever ask for. To make an impact on someone else.

Fallaste !

"A fair skinned beauty just parked on the curb, her pants cling to her body like there's no tomorrow. She's got her shades next to her, and thank god for that. The world could be lost without those piercing blue eyes; or atleast my world could be. It could crash in an instant. She's got her worries written all over her face. She can't hide destruction, but she sure as hell can make it look beautiful. Ripped jeans, straight hair, a mile long stare. The only thing missing is a cigarette between two fingers, and my fingers intertwined with the other five on the other hand."



Fifteen years old. It doesn't feel much different. I gotta admit.

It shouldn't though. It's nice to finally be able to say I'm not so young anymore. That's a plus. Another one you may ask? Liscence in three weeks. I can't explain words how amped I am to finally be getting some more freedom. AMPED, I tell you. AMPED.
(:

So, recently, I've been thinking alot. Well, alot more than my usual huge bundle of thoughts. But, about how MY thoughts could affect how other's think. I don't mean I want people to think like me, but I know when I read something inspiring, I apply it to my morals and things as well. Plus, I started wondering [not fretting] about how the World sees me. I know I see the world as beautiful, but I don't know how the world sees me. Does it judge? Does it see me as a "child" who knows nothing? Does it see my experiences and life story as if it was written on my face? I don't know, and I never will. Because, the world is not one person. The world is the big picture, and every person is one piece. So, all I can do is be myself and let people judge. It's what we as a human race do. We judge. It's not bad. I judge. You judge, whether you'd like to admit it or not. We all judge. I'm not saying we all judge based on the right things. Some petty people will judge based off your looks and end their evaluation right then and there. I will and have been judging people based on their attitude, their respect level, how they treat others around them, how they treat themselves, and how they treat their enviroment. Those are the things I look at. If those are the wrong things to judge off of, my apologies. Judge me how you want, I'll judge you how I want. Mainly though, my concern is, for those who'd like to judge based off of my whole story. Well, obviously, I don't walk around to every human being I meet and blurt out my feelings on politics, the enviroment, religion. I don't walk around screaming my life story, or complain about my past issues all over my myspace or something. But, I do -when I get a chance- want to post up in a blog my feelings on alot of things. I'll give them each their own title, so if theres only a certain thing you're curious about, bada bing. You don't have to read and skim through the whole thing and eventually give up on it to find you were two sentences away from it in the first place. Run on sentence? I think so. Bonus poiiiiiiiiiiiiint.
...I've got a thing for run on sentences. hush.

I'll be very surprised if anyone is still reading this. 'Cause, right about now, I'm just killing time. Mine, and if you are still reading, apparently I'm a time killer for you as well. Especially if you're a slow reader. hah. The Hills comes on in half n' hour. I haven't seen that show in ages, but I love it, and everyone keeps posting myspace bulletins about it. I think that Kristen Cavallari girl is on it. Maybe that's why there's a big buzz. Who the hell gives a damn. Raise your hand. Raise your hand. If you did, you're a new hero of mine. If you didn't, don't do it now. Tryin' to be all sneaky and lie to yourself to be my hero. No. Fallaste.
Which means "YOU FAIL" in Spanish.
Suck that.
Goodnight, beautiful people.

Static.

I love how the one person I want to talk to about this more than anything, can't even look me in the eye.
It's for the best.
I know it.
She knows it.
He'll know it too one day. After a few years of hating us; He'll see it.
It's a fresh start. A new chapter in our story.
I'm just happy this chapter is over.

Straight up-

I absolutely can't stand when people put words in my mouth.
Or, assume they know how I feel.
Just a word to the wise for not pissing me off.

Just one spark starts a fire.

Two words; Mission Accomplished.
About my Euphoria, that is.
:)
Second day of school tomorrow.
Birthday in eighteen days.
Liscence in a month.
Everything is finally just falling into place.

"Fall into place-
love no one, lose nothing.
love no one, lose everything you never knew.
The door swings both ways & for now, I'll swing with it.
I'll swing in the opposite direction because, it's the smart chance to take.
The smart move to make, the smart heart not to break.
"Your heart can't break, silly child."
"No, it can't. It's not made of blown glass, nor am I."
I can't crack. I can't snap. I can't shatter.
I'm unbreakable- for once.
Shake me, Shake me, cause baby you can't break me.
Test the theory if you'd like, I'll be your science project;
You can be the smile on my face when you see I'm right.
-I'm just falling into place."

Just leave the light on.

I can't sleep at all. Thoughts just keep creeping into my mind. It's like, during the day, I won't have a single thought. I just am. I'm on auto-pilot. Then, at night, I can't stop thinking. It makes up for my not thinking during the days. School's around the corner. Tomorrow to be precise. Maybe my numbing mood will drown out with school. I just need to be kept busy, I'm sick of not feeling. I want to feel. Even if it was pain, I want to be able to feel something. I've really found out alot about myself this summer, though. I've learned. I'm growing mentally into a better person. I was never a bad person; I just wasn't a smart person.
I know this blog might sound rather down, but I'm fairly happy. I'm happy to finally have figured something out in my life. To know some more things. To get something done. It makes me feel accomplished: A sense I haven't felt in months. & I'm not letting it fade out again. I'm going to start doing things again. I'm going to start being really happy again. For real happy. Not the cheesy limited smiling, happy. I'm breaking out of this. Euphoria, you're out of here.

Michael Cera.

I love having atleast one person who can pull me out of the clouds. Who can snap me out of it, and know what to say, even it sucks having to say it. I love being brought back down from unrealisticness. It's like, you just been woken up. Thrown into a deep pool of listerine mouthwash. Refreshing. Leaves a foul taste in your mouth for a sec, but it's healthy.
Speaking of dental stuff; My dentist has the voice of Michael Cera. I was in awe. He's sitting there talking to me about overbites, and t.v. & I'm closing my eyes listening to this lovely man's voice, meanwhile picturing Michael Cera doing my dental work. mmmmmmmmmm. Pathetic, but true.

-High School is overrated.
-I love my friends/ Thank you Nerd. I can always rely on you.
-I quit "love". Just for awhile. It's just as overrated as High School at this age.
-I'm craving deep conversations and black nails. hmmmmmmmm, Ideas, Ideas.(:

A story for the dreamers;

I was at the ocean when I was a little kid, and we were known for flying kites. They would fly higher & higher swimming through the sky with the birds. I remember wishing that I could be a bird more than anything in the world. I just wanted to fly, actually. I wanted to be able to soar through the night sky, hear the waves, and have no responsibities. I wished every year for my birthday wish for four years that I could be a bird when I was kid. [stupid, I know.] When I turned seven I started to try and find ways to fly.
I watched Mary Poppins once, so on a windy day, I took my umbrella and would run and jump off this little hill. Fail. Two weeks later, I jumped out of my grandma's willow tree, fail, and sprained my ankle. +Honestly, I'd settle for being reincarnated as a bird in my next life. I'd choose that actually over anything else to be. It would be a short lived life, but a short life lived well. For now, I'll stick to airplanes. <3

"Vivere."<3

For the first time, in a long time, I am truely, unconditionally happy.
I can honestly say I'm growing up, and am damn happy for it.
I've come into realization that; Things seems like a bigger deal at this age then they actually are. I'm not saying they aren't important. They're just not the end of the world like some teenagers think; You don't need "love" at this age. Really, you don't. Relationships go places, they'll make an impact on you, but you can't expect to marry your boyfriend at thirteen. Love, but don't go into stupidly. Scratch that- don't go into with a childish head, cause love isn't something childish. It's for the strong, and you don't want to go into weak & naive. You don't want to lose yourself in it. I would know. I've seen it happen on several occasions.; I don't want to date. I'm kind of sick of people looking for their someone. Let it happen. Let it find you. I don't want to date because, I don't want to look for someone. When I'm ready for it, it'll find me. Not the other way around. I'm not gonna say I haven't loved, because that would be a lie, but I am saying I'm not going to chase after something that's done and over with, and I'm not gonna look for something that goes by my "standards." I don't want someone I'm expected to be with. Surprises are nice in life :) ; I'd rather have my friends, learn some languages, practice my sports, read some books, put my heart out into my sketchbook, and drink a cup of coffee everyday. (: I'm happy. I'm appreciating everything that's around me. I'm happy for those who have found love. I'm maturing. I'm focusing on what I've got, and not chasing after what I haven't.
None of this probably made any sense. Please excuse the late night ramblings of a fourteen year old girl who is very tired. Goodnight beautiful world.

I'm out of line.

Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected,
And I can tell I've been moving in so slow,
Don't let it throw you off too far, Cause I'll be running right behind you.
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on so contagiously.
Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable. Cause I believe in loving you at first sight.
I know it's crazy, but I'm hoping to..To take a hold of you.
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on so contagiously.
Oh, you're everything I'm wanting. Come to think of it, I'm aching.
On account of my transgression..Will you welcome this confession?
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on so contagiously.
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on.
Keep me hanging on so contagiously.

I'm a liar, with no ounce of truth. Be my truth.

It's crazy how some accoustic guitar, and the sun can make me smile instantly right now. I guess it's not that hard to put a smile on my face these days, hah. I'm in California. Beautiful Santa Clara. I must say, the drive up wasn't as torturous as I expected. Thirteen bloody hours included licorice fights, reading, fall asleep looking at the stars, too many games, Subway/Mcdonald's Galore, Drawing, Rubix Cube, yah. Screw Rubix Cubes. I mixed it up for Stephen. :P
Me & stephen have been making the most damn delicous breakfast everyday for the past few days. Today: Crepes. Tomorrow: Cheese, Ham, Bacon Omelets. <3 We should be professionals.
HEY, Urban Outfitter's tomorrow! yo baby, go babyy. I'm blowin' my big bucks there, my friend.
Ahh, I'm moving out here when I can. I'll go to the Art Institute er Santa Clara U. I'll live by the ocean, get an apartment, be a beach bum artist. Surf everyday, live off of Mike N' Ike's, Quesadilla's, & Tea. It's a plan.
"Follow me, don't follow me. I've never been one to make up my mind. You know I don't know what I want. How about you decide for me. If you want me, I'll want you. If you don't want me, I'll pretend I don't want you. deal?"

Sweetheart, life will never be fair.

Yah, follow me here on my path of redemption.
Rid of your evils, internal and external.
Your voice, a light, has banished them all.
They've crawled back to the shadows, not to be seen.
But, they'll come back.
...They always come back.
For now, Walk around proudly, & hold your head high. You're a conqueror. A warrior. You've got your pride. Hold it high, don't let that chin drop. After all, your dignity is all that you've got.
Disapproving glances aren't high on my concerning list, You get them no matter what you do, whatever decision you make. Baby, you can't please everyone. Atleast three somebody's will bash you on the path you decide to take. And when they do -keep walking.
"Hey, I'm back. Hope you didn't forget about us." You didn't think you could be happy and get away with it, did you? Naive child, your worries, your "evils" will return eventually.
You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Something will be in your way, keeping you from what you want. You're going to get what you wanted and lose what you've already got. "You can't have both." "...But, I want both." "You don't always get what you want." You'll be forcing two magnets together, two opposing ends, they won't just, get along. I'll make it work somehow. I won't force my magnets together. I won't make the two ends play nice. I'll just let whatever happens, happen.
But, I will have both. I can't survive without both.
I can have what I want and keep what I've got.
All it takes is balance.
I've always been the clumsy type; falling down and tripping over my feet.
But, I will learn to be graceful. I will learn to balance. I will learn.
Because, I will not give up what I want because, obstacles are in my way.
I can climb.
I will climb.
I won't let something new take the place of something else I've had longer.
How could it?
It can't.
It never will.
I won't be the juggler; juggling a million different things stressfully.
I will be on the tightrope, balancing with poise.
I will have my cake and eat it too.
Goodnight.

Old writings?

Your eyes intoxicating,
My heart is drunk in elevation.
I feel higher than life right now, Baby, you've always been my sweetest salvation. Saving me from the darkest of evils; Myself being the worst of the lot.
You brought out the best of me I've ever known,
Then buried the pieces that'd left my heart distraught.

I can't stop my shaking,
Please be my restraint.
My hands are trembling without rest, My sense of reason growing faint;
My heartbeat matches the tempo, & my eyes can't hold one place.
from headphone to heart-
I'm pulsing, Equivalent to fast and heavy bass.

I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly.

So, I told Kelly about "my feeling", it's the strangest thing. I swear.

I feel like, I'm not living my life. I experience things, of course. But, I'm watching myself live my life from afar. The days go by too fast, constantly. I have a hard time remembering things besides how I felt EXACTLY at that one time; every feeling, every thought. My mom says it's called Euphoria. It's supposedly a coping mechanism. 

I'm not coping. I'm non-existant. 

I don't like it.

I'm in Seattle at the moment.

It's smells the same (: that rainy smell.

One thing I know I haven't lost is my outlook on everything.

Life is beautiful; it's just going by too fast.

Life/Love.

I learned something today;

Life is delicate and Love is rough.
"Life can be gone in a second, people die all the time." Alex was right. It made me think of Austin.
It can be gone in a instant, and we as a human race do things all the time, thinking we're invincible. hah. What a load of shit.



And love? Yah, something always has to be in the way. I haven't once seen a true love relationship where something wasn't in the way. I'm not saying it isn't worth it; it's just hard.

You know what they say.

"Things happen for a reason."
I'm finding in myself that I truely believe in that statement.
In reality, we all really are just in one cycle. One circle of life.
There is always a Cause and Affect.
We hear about tree's falling on people, and a girl committing suicide because of a rude comment on her myspace.
What we do affects the people around us.
We push people past their limit, sometimes.
We hurt others because we don't think about the effect of our actions before we act.
What we do takes a toll on others.
Hell, it could be your family. It could be somebody you don't even know.
Just THINK about the outcome of a statement. THINK before you act. Just, THINK.
Be considerate.
Many people in our day & age have gotten too lazy to do so.

Let me be.

I'm done coloring in the lines.
I want to be messy.
I want to get out of line.
Don't restrain me,
just let me be.
Let me be messy.
Let me be out of the ordinary.
Let me be strange.
Let me say the strangest things & don't look at me like I'm crazy.
I see these things everyday, the littlest things, that just hold a place in my heart and head.
I wish I could take pictures with my eyes, and be able to show to them to you.
Would you see the beauty I see or would you just see a pile of nothing?
These pictures I take, I hold them captive in my brain, not sharing them.
I wish I could share them, I don't mean to be selfish. Really, I don't.
I'm just not sure if you could see the extraordinary things that I see.
I'm afraid to let you see my pictures, because after all, they are my pictures.
I won't have you laugh at my strange angled, random pictures of life.
You won't see what I see.
How could anyone see what I see?

I'll let you see my pictures if you promise to stay open minded.

Enjoy Simple.

About two days ago, as I was driving in the car with my mum, we drove past the same little old farm, with the same little llamas, and the ol' white picket fence that we do nearly everyday. I'd never really thought too much of the place before. The grass was still overgrowing & peeking through the fence. The llamas were still lounging about with their babies following. The once white fence still needs re-painted. Nothing new had happened to the little home.

As we're driving, I notice this older red bike on the ground by the fence and a guy by the fence. This young guy, brown flannel, scruffy facial hair, had his camera around his neck; just leaning against the fence looking at the llamas. Not only was he watching them though, he was smiling, watching them. Smiling, almost like he knew. Like he knew life's secret. Here this man is just leaning against this old rickety fence, taking pictures of the sun and the animals, perfectly content with something so simple. generally so unnoticed. He enjoys the little things. He appreciates something that I'd never even seen until that day in that one, old farm. I couldn't help but smile & be thankful knowing that there is still people who are totally happy with the tiniest ounce of simplicity. I know you probably don't understand what I mean, but seeing that changed some outlook for me. I'd already loved the little things, but never had I appreciated them. I was never overly THANKFUL for them. I am now.

If I had a say in that ancient fence's future, I'd say leave it. leave it the "cracked white paint" way it already is.