I'm a liar, with no ounce of truth. Be my truth.

It's crazy how some accoustic guitar, and the sun can make me smile instantly right now. I guess it's not that hard to put a smile on my face these days, hah. I'm in California. Beautiful Santa Clara. I must say, the drive up wasn't as torturous as I expected. Thirteen bloody hours included licorice fights, reading, fall asleep looking at the stars, too many games, Subway/Mcdonald's Galore, Drawing, Rubix Cube, yah. Screw Rubix Cubes. I mixed it up for Stephen. :P
Me & stephen have been making the most damn delicous breakfast everyday for the past few days. Today: Crepes. Tomorrow: Cheese, Ham, Bacon Omelets. <3 We should be professionals.
HEY, Urban Outfitter's tomorrow! yo baby, go babyy. I'm blowin' my big bucks there, my friend.
Ahh, I'm moving out here when I can. I'll go to the Art Institute er Santa Clara U. I'll live by the ocean, get an apartment, be a beach bum artist. Surf everyday, live off of Mike N' Ike's, Quesadilla's, & Tea. It's a plan.
"Follow me, don't follow me. I've never been one to make up my mind. You know I don't know what I want. How about you decide for me. If you want me, I'll want you. If you don't want me, I'll pretend I don't want you. deal?"

Sweetheart, life will never be fair.

Yah, follow me here on my path of redemption.
Rid of your evils, internal and external.
Your voice, a light, has banished them all.
They've crawled back to the shadows, not to be seen.
But, they'll come back.
...They always come back.
For now, Walk around proudly, & hold your head high. You're a conqueror. A warrior. You've got your pride. Hold it high, don't let that chin drop. After all, your dignity is all that you've got.
Disapproving glances aren't high on my concerning list, You get them no matter what you do, whatever decision you make. Baby, you can't please everyone. Atleast three somebody's will bash you on the path you decide to take. And when they do -keep walking.
"Hey, I'm back. Hope you didn't forget about us." You didn't think you could be happy and get away with it, did you? Naive child, your worries, your "evils" will return eventually.
You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Something will be in your way, keeping you from what you want. You're going to get what you wanted and lose what you've already got. "You can't have both." "...But, I want both." "You don't always get what you want." You'll be forcing two magnets together, two opposing ends, they won't just, get along. I'll make it work somehow. I won't force my magnets together. I won't make the two ends play nice. I'll just let whatever happens, happen.
But, I will have both. I can't survive without both.
I can have what I want and keep what I've got.
All it takes is balance.
I've always been the clumsy type; falling down and tripping over my feet.
But, I will learn to be graceful. I will learn to balance. I will learn.
Because, I will not give up what I want because, obstacles are in my way.
I can climb.
I will climb.
I won't let something new take the place of something else I've had longer.
How could it?
It can't.
It never will.
I won't be the juggler; juggling a million different things stressfully.
I will be on the tightrope, balancing with poise.
I will have my cake and eat it too.
Goodnight.

Old writings?

Your eyes intoxicating,
My heart is drunk in elevation.
I feel higher than life right now, Baby, you've always been my sweetest salvation. Saving me from the darkest of evils; Myself being the worst of the lot.
You brought out the best of me I've ever known,
Then buried the pieces that'd left my heart distraught.

I can't stop my shaking,
Please be my restraint.
My hands are trembling without rest, My sense of reason growing faint;
My heartbeat matches the tempo, & my eyes can't hold one place.
from headphone to heart-
I'm pulsing, Equivalent to fast and heavy bass.

I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly.

So, I told Kelly about "my feeling", it's the strangest thing. I swear.

I feel like, I'm not living my life. I experience things, of course. But, I'm watching myself live my life from afar. The days go by too fast, constantly. I have a hard time remembering things besides how I felt EXACTLY at that one time; every feeling, every thought. My mom says it's called Euphoria. It's supposedly a coping mechanism. 

I'm not coping. I'm non-existant. 

I don't like it.

I'm in Seattle at the moment.

It's smells the same (: that rainy smell.

One thing I know I haven't lost is my outlook on everything.

Life is beautiful; it's just going by too fast.

Life/Love.

I learned something today;

Life is delicate and Love is rough.
"Life can be gone in a second, people die all the time." Alex was right. It made me think of Austin.
It can be gone in a instant, and we as a human race do things all the time, thinking we're invincible. hah. What a load of shit.



And love? Yah, something always has to be in the way. I haven't once seen a true love relationship where something wasn't in the way. I'm not saying it isn't worth it; it's just hard.

You know what they say.

"Things happen for a reason."
I'm finding in myself that I truely believe in that statement.
In reality, we all really are just in one cycle. One circle of life.
There is always a Cause and Affect.
We hear about tree's falling on people, and a girl committing suicide because of a rude comment on her myspace.
What we do affects the people around us.
We push people past their limit, sometimes.
We hurt others because we don't think about the effect of our actions before we act.
What we do takes a toll on others.
Hell, it could be your family. It could be somebody you don't even know.
Just THINK about the outcome of a statement. THINK before you act. Just, THINK.
Be considerate.
Many people in our day & age have gotten too lazy to do so.

Let me be.

I'm done coloring in the lines.
I want to be messy.
I want to get out of line.
Don't restrain me,
just let me be.
Let me be messy.
Let me be out of the ordinary.
Let me be strange.
Let me say the strangest things & don't look at me like I'm crazy.
I see these things everyday, the littlest things, that just hold a place in my heart and head.
I wish I could take pictures with my eyes, and be able to show to them to you.
Would you see the beauty I see or would you just see a pile of nothing?
These pictures I take, I hold them captive in my brain, not sharing them.
I wish I could share them, I don't mean to be selfish. Really, I don't.
I'm just not sure if you could see the extraordinary things that I see.
I'm afraid to let you see my pictures, because after all, they are my pictures.
I won't have you laugh at my strange angled, random pictures of life.
You won't see what I see.
How could anyone see what I see?

I'll let you see my pictures if you promise to stay open minded.