A story for the dreamers;

I was at the ocean when I was a little kid, and we were known for flying kites. They would fly higher & higher swimming through the sky with the birds. I remember wishing that I could be a bird more than anything in the world. I just wanted to fly, actually. I wanted to be able to soar through the night sky, hear the waves, and have no responsibities. I wished every year for my birthday wish for four years that I could be a bird when I was kid. [stupid, I know.] When I turned seven I started to try and find ways to fly.
I watched Mary Poppins once, so on a windy day, I took my umbrella and would run and jump off this little hill. Fail. Two weeks later, I jumped out of my grandma's willow tree, fail, and sprained my ankle. +Honestly, I'd settle for being reincarnated as a bird in my next life. I'd choose that actually over anything else to be. It would be a short lived life, but a short life lived well. For now, I'll stick to airplanes. <3

"Vivere."<3

For the first time, in a long time, I am truely, unconditionally happy.
I can honestly say I'm growing up, and am damn happy for it.
I've come into realization that; Things seems like a bigger deal at this age then they actually are. I'm not saying they aren't important. They're just not the end of the world like some teenagers think; You don't need "love" at this age. Really, you don't. Relationships go places, they'll make an impact on you, but you can't expect to marry your boyfriend at thirteen. Love, but don't go into stupidly. Scratch that- don't go into with a childish head, cause love isn't something childish. It's for the strong, and you don't want to go into weak & naive. You don't want to lose yourself in it. I would know. I've seen it happen on several occasions.; I don't want to date. I'm kind of sick of people looking for their someone. Let it happen. Let it find you. I don't want to date because, I don't want to look for someone. When I'm ready for it, it'll find me. Not the other way around. I'm not gonna say I haven't loved, because that would be a lie, but I am saying I'm not going to chase after something that's done and over with, and I'm not gonna look for something that goes by my "standards." I don't want someone I'm expected to be with. Surprises are nice in life :) ; I'd rather have my friends, learn some languages, practice my sports, read some books, put my heart out into my sketchbook, and drink a cup of coffee everyday. (: I'm happy. I'm appreciating everything that's around me. I'm happy for those who have found love. I'm maturing. I'm focusing on what I've got, and not chasing after what I haven't.
None of this probably made any sense. Please excuse the late night ramblings of a fourteen year old girl who is very tired. Goodnight beautiful world.

I'm out of line.

Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected,
And I can tell I've been moving in so slow,
Don't let it throw you off too far, Cause I'll be running right behind you.
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on so contagiously.
Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable. Cause I believe in loving you at first sight.
I know it's crazy, but I'm hoping to..To take a hold of you.
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on so contagiously.
Oh, you're everything I'm wanting. Come to think of it, I'm aching.
On account of my transgression..Will you welcome this confession?
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on so contagiously.
Could this be out of line? Could this be out of line?
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this.
You're the only one I would take a shot on.
Keep me hanging on so contagiously.

I'm a liar, with no ounce of truth. Be my truth.

It's crazy how some accoustic guitar, and the sun can make me smile instantly right now. I guess it's not that hard to put a smile on my face these days, hah. I'm in California. Beautiful Santa Clara. I must say, the drive up wasn't as torturous as I expected. Thirteen bloody hours included licorice fights, reading, fall asleep looking at the stars, too many games, Subway/Mcdonald's Galore, Drawing, Rubix Cube, yah. Screw Rubix Cubes. I mixed it up for Stephen. :P
Me & stephen have been making the most damn delicous breakfast everyday for the past few days. Today: Crepes. Tomorrow: Cheese, Ham, Bacon Omelets. <3 We should be professionals.
HEY, Urban Outfitter's tomorrow! yo baby, go babyy. I'm blowin' my big bucks there, my friend.
Ahh, I'm moving out here when I can. I'll go to the Art Institute er Santa Clara U. I'll live by the ocean, get an apartment, be a beach bum artist. Surf everyday, live off of Mike N' Ike's, Quesadilla's, & Tea. It's a plan.
"Follow me, don't follow me. I've never been one to make up my mind. You know I don't know what I want. How about you decide for me. If you want me, I'll want you. If you don't want me, I'll pretend I don't want you. deal?"

Sweetheart, life will never be fair.

Yah, follow me here on my path of redemption.
Rid of your evils, internal and external.
Your voice, a light, has banished them all.
They've crawled back to the shadows, not to be seen.
But, they'll come back.
...They always come back.
For now, Walk around proudly, & hold your head high. You're a conqueror. A warrior. You've got your pride. Hold it high, don't let that chin drop. After all, your dignity is all that you've got.
Disapproving glances aren't high on my concerning list, You get them no matter what you do, whatever decision you make. Baby, you can't please everyone. Atleast three somebody's will bash you on the path you decide to take. And when they do -keep walking.
"Hey, I'm back. Hope you didn't forget about us." You didn't think you could be happy and get away with it, did you? Naive child, your worries, your "evils" will return eventually.
You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Something will be in your way, keeping you from what you want. You're going to get what you wanted and lose what you've already got. "You can't have both." "...But, I want both." "You don't always get what you want." You'll be forcing two magnets together, two opposing ends, they won't just, get along. I'll make it work somehow. I won't force my magnets together. I won't make the two ends play nice. I'll just let whatever happens, happen.
But, I will have both. I can't survive without both.
I can have what I want and keep what I've got.
All it takes is balance.
I've always been the clumsy type; falling down and tripping over my feet.
But, I will learn to be graceful. I will learn to balance. I will learn.
Because, I will not give up what I want because, obstacles are in my way.
I can climb.
I will climb.
I won't let something new take the place of something else I've had longer.
How could it?
It can't.
It never will.
I won't be the juggler; juggling a million different things stressfully.
I will be on the tightrope, balancing with poise.
I will have my cake and eat it too.
Goodnight.

Old writings?

Your eyes intoxicating,
My heart is drunk in elevation.
I feel higher than life right now, Baby, you've always been my sweetest salvation. Saving me from the darkest of evils; Myself being the worst of the lot.
You brought out the best of me I've ever known,
Then buried the pieces that'd left my heart distraught.

I can't stop my shaking,
Please be my restraint.
My hands are trembling without rest, My sense of reason growing faint;
My heartbeat matches the tempo, & my eyes can't hold one place.
from headphone to heart-
I'm pulsing, Equivalent to fast and heavy bass.

I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly.

So, I told Kelly about "my feeling", it's the strangest thing. I swear.

I feel like, I'm not living my life. I experience things, of course. But, I'm watching myself live my life from afar. The days go by too fast, constantly. I have a hard time remembering things besides how I felt EXACTLY at that one time; every feeling, every thought. My mom says it's called Euphoria. It's supposedly a coping mechanism. 

I'm not coping. I'm non-existant. 

I don't like it.

I'm in Seattle at the moment.

It's smells the same (: that rainy smell.

One thing I know I haven't lost is my outlook on everything.

Life is beautiful; it's just going by too fast.