<3

On a Wednesday night, meanwhile making cupcakes I was having a conversation with one of my best friends, & we were discussing how we'd grow up.
She thinks she's going to grow up, fucked up.
I highly disagree.
Is it sad I know how I'm going to end up?- atleast for the most part.
I could list it out for you right now.
K, I shouldn't say I KNOW how I'm going to end up, but I've got it narrowed down to how I'm most likely going to turn out.
I know I'm going to go backpacking all over this lovely planet. I know I'm going to college. I know I'm most likely going to end up living in Portland, or by the oregon coast somewhere. I know I'm going to write, and paint like there's no tomorrow. I know I'm going to probably be alone for awhile; I've got alot I want to do. I won't let myself be tied down. That's how I am. When I do have the ability to go and do those things, I will go and do them. There's no say in the matter. I won't settle for anything less than what I want. I was raised that way. ...Second batch of cupcakes in. Chocolate. mmmm. Some people I guess would say that it's sad that I have a big idea of how my life is going to go. I think that I'm just setting up my course, and letting my life run it. All the little details in between is my life. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." My dad's been telling me that for about five years now. So, I'm not deciding my life right now, I'm just keep ideas open for my future. I'm never going to settle for less. I'm going places. & I don't mean what other people usually mean by that. I don't mean I'm going to become famous, or everyone will know my name. I just mean that I'm going to accomplish what I can while I can. And, if I'm lucky, those who I loved will remember my name. That's all I could ever ask for. To make an impact on someone else.

Fallaste !

"A fair skinned beauty just parked on the curb, her pants cling to her body like there's no tomorrow. She's got her shades next to her, and thank god for that. The world could be lost without those piercing blue eyes; or atleast my world could be. It could crash in an instant. She's got her worries written all over her face. She can't hide destruction, but she sure as hell can make it look beautiful. Ripped jeans, straight hair, a mile long stare. The only thing missing is a cigarette between two fingers, and my fingers intertwined with the other five on the other hand."



Fifteen years old. It doesn't feel much different. I gotta admit.

It shouldn't though. It's nice to finally be able to say I'm not so young anymore. That's a plus. Another one you may ask? Liscence in three weeks. I can't explain words how amped I am to finally be getting some more freedom. AMPED, I tell you. AMPED.
(:

So, recently, I've been thinking alot. Well, alot more than my usual huge bundle of thoughts. But, about how MY thoughts could affect how other's think. I don't mean I want people to think like me, but I know when I read something inspiring, I apply it to my morals and things as well. Plus, I started wondering [not fretting] about how the World sees me. I know I see the world as beautiful, but I don't know how the world sees me. Does it judge? Does it see me as a "child" who knows nothing? Does it see my experiences and life story as if it was written on my face? I don't know, and I never will. Because, the world is not one person. The world is the big picture, and every person is one piece. So, all I can do is be myself and let people judge. It's what we as a human race do. We judge. It's not bad. I judge. You judge, whether you'd like to admit it or not. We all judge. I'm not saying we all judge based on the right things. Some petty people will judge based off your looks and end their evaluation right then and there. I will and have been judging people based on their attitude, their respect level, how they treat others around them, how they treat themselves, and how they treat their enviroment. Those are the things I look at. If those are the wrong things to judge off of, my apologies. Judge me how you want, I'll judge you how I want. Mainly though, my concern is, for those who'd like to judge based off of my whole story. Well, obviously, I don't walk around to every human being I meet and blurt out my feelings on politics, the enviroment, religion. I don't walk around screaming my life story, or complain about my past issues all over my myspace or something. But, I do -when I get a chance- want to post up in a blog my feelings on alot of things. I'll give them each their own title, so if theres only a certain thing you're curious about, bada bing. You don't have to read and skim through the whole thing and eventually give up on it to find you were two sentences away from it in the first place. Run on sentence? I think so. Bonus poiiiiiiiiiiiiint.
...I've got a thing for run on sentences. hush.

I'll be very surprised if anyone is still reading this. 'Cause, right about now, I'm just killing time. Mine, and if you are still reading, apparently I'm a time killer for you as well. Especially if you're a slow reader. hah. The Hills comes on in half n' hour. I haven't seen that show in ages, but I love it, and everyone keeps posting myspace bulletins about it. I think that Kristen Cavallari girl is on it. Maybe that's why there's a big buzz. Who the hell gives a damn. Raise your hand. Raise your hand. If you did, you're a new hero of mine. If you didn't, don't do it now. Tryin' to be all sneaky and lie to yourself to be my hero. No. Fallaste.
Which means "YOU FAIL" in Spanish.
Suck that.
Goodnight, beautiful people.

Static.

I love how the one person I want to talk to about this more than anything, can't even look me in the eye.
It's for the best.
I know it.
She knows it.
He'll know it too one day. After a few years of hating us; He'll see it.
It's a fresh start. A new chapter in our story.
I'm just happy this chapter is over.

Straight up-

I absolutely can't stand when people put words in my mouth.
Or, assume they know how I feel.
Just a word to the wise for not pissing me off.

Just one spark starts a fire.

Two words; Mission Accomplished.
About my Euphoria, that is.
:)
Second day of school tomorrow.
Birthday in eighteen days.
Liscence in a month.
Everything is finally just falling into place.

"Fall into place-
love no one, lose nothing.
love no one, lose everything you never knew.
The door swings both ways & for now, I'll swing with it.
I'll swing in the opposite direction because, it's the smart chance to take.
The smart move to make, the smart heart not to break.
"Your heart can't break, silly child."
"No, it can't. It's not made of blown glass, nor am I."
I can't crack. I can't snap. I can't shatter.
I'm unbreakable- for once.
Shake me, Shake me, cause baby you can't break me.
Test the theory if you'd like, I'll be your science project;
You can be the smile on my face when you see I'm right.
-I'm just falling into place."

Just leave the light on.

I can't sleep at all. Thoughts just keep creeping into my mind. It's like, during the day, I won't have a single thought. I just am. I'm on auto-pilot. Then, at night, I can't stop thinking. It makes up for my not thinking during the days. School's around the corner. Tomorrow to be precise. Maybe my numbing mood will drown out with school. I just need to be kept busy, I'm sick of not feeling. I want to feel. Even if it was pain, I want to be able to feel something. I've really found out alot about myself this summer, though. I've learned. I'm growing mentally into a better person. I was never a bad person; I just wasn't a smart person.
I know this blog might sound rather down, but I'm fairly happy. I'm happy to finally have figured something out in my life. To know some more things. To get something done. It makes me feel accomplished: A sense I haven't felt in months. & I'm not letting it fade out again. I'm going to start doing things again. I'm going to start being really happy again. For real happy. Not the cheesy limited smiling, happy. I'm breaking out of this. Euphoria, you're out of here.

Michael Cera.

I love having atleast one person who can pull me out of the clouds. Who can snap me out of it, and know what to say, even it sucks having to say it. I love being brought back down from unrealisticness. It's like, you just been woken up. Thrown into a deep pool of listerine mouthwash. Refreshing. Leaves a foul taste in your mouth for a sec, but it's healthy.
Speaking of dental stuff; My dentist has the voice of Michael Cera. I was in awe. He's sitting there talking to me about overbites, and t.v. & I'm closing my eyes listening to this lovely man's voice, meanwhile picturing Michael Cera doing my dental work. mmmmmmmmmm. Pathetic, but true.

-High School is overrated.
-I love my friends/ Thank you Nerd. I can always rely on you.
-I quit "love". Just for awhile. It's just as overrated as High School at this age.
-I'm craving deep conversations and black nails. hmmmmmmmm, Ideas, Ideas.(: